NYC Bus Tours

Men Carry Dogs On Madison

Fred Flaneur

A disturbing trend on Madison Avenue in NYC

Sitting in a sidewalk café, sipping a delicious coffee one unseasonably warm day in November day I bore witness to a trend that bears careful watching.

On upper Madison Avenue a bond forged over the ages is being slowly eroded.  The dog, a superbly adapted quadruped with the ability to walk or run for miles is having its physiognomy subtlety subverted.

The hounds that lunch are being carried about town in expensive over-the-shoulder-bags, chauffeured by their chi-chi owners like little potentates,  feet nary touching the ground,  paw pads pink as the day they were born.  Sadly,  this trend of portaging pets is spreading.  By my rough unscientific analysis,  of every five dogs living near Madison Avenue two or more do little or no walking.   How far will this go,  is there an upper theoretical limit to the size that a porta-pet may attain?  Will men who normally favor the more robust breeds,  challenge each other for sidewalk supremacy by slinging Rottweiler’s and Sheep Dogs over their shoulders echoing the days of the huge boom box?  No doubt laws will soon be needed.

Surely,  with the advent of genetic engineering can a breed of dog bred purely for the Prada bag be far behind?  This movement must be stopped in its tracks or we will see in the not too distant future dogs whose legs have become vestigial organs,  resembling snakes more so than the animal we’ve come to adore.  Are we ready for the cocka-boa?  I pray not!

Dogs belong on leashes strutting proudly beside their masters where they have been for millennia.  A canine needs to stand on its own four feet the way God intended,  anything else is an abomination.