NYC Bus Tours

I’m a tour guide, I ply the the double-decker buses,  some of the best guides in the city and some of the worst work the buses. My boss, in a rare moment of candor said whimsically that “90% of the people in the company are unemployable anywhere else.”  Boy, did he hit that nail on the head.  Guiding is a an art, it’s  show biz on the fly against the ever changing background of NYC . Being quirky never hurt a guide.

Double decked tour buses are very popular in New York City, people come from all over the world to ride them no matter what the season. The companies that run them tout heated, enclosed vehicles, all the luxuries of home.  passengers assume it’s true – it’s not. The buses have zero heat, and are dirty and drafty.

Last Saturday, the first one in February was 18 degrees F. I’ve learned how to dress, I prepare emotionally for the chill. I refuse to be cold, I can’t be cold, it’s not in my lexicon, I won’t discuss it. But, just in case there’s a chink in my psychic armor I layer up. “Trust in Allah, but tether your camels” is what I believe.

It’s a process, first I put on my wife-beater T, then a regular T, a thermal top, thermal bottom, a long sleeve fleece, a cozy flannel top, my official uniform shirt, a scarf, my NorthFace 700 Goretex Down Jacket, my uniform jacket with zero warmth value, jeans, flannel pajama bottoms and then my ski pants. On my feet one pair of heavy athletic socks, ski socks over them and heavy insulated boots.

Soon as I’m finished dressing I need to pee – bad.  You’d think I’d have grown wise to this quirk, but I haven’t. Soon as I finish dressing I gotta leak. Elapsed time about a half hour, It doesn’t takes an astronaut that long to get ready for an EVA.

Just before I go out, I adjust my NY Mets black hat with the orange interlocking NY lettering, flip up my hood, cinch my scarf, button the last two buttons on my jacket, step out into the hallway, and slip into the breeze.  I trudge up the block and wait on the curb until I get a bus assigned to me.

My passengers have not been forewarned and although dressed for winter are hardly prepared to spend two hours in an ice box. They only have one question “where’s the heat?” I keep them warm with words, humor and charm, my tips are always good. I take a lot of pride in my winter trips, especially in such adverse conditions. I feel it’s my duty to give excellent trip, and I do.